The Days Are Short and the Nights Are Long

At this point in my adventure--everyday feels like I will be leaving tomorrow. I'm walking to Mass this morning and it was like "Oh wow I only have three Sundays left." I guess I really have just hit that point where it is getting more and more difficult to realize that I am actually leaving this country that I call home in such a short amount of time. I have come to love my family here like they are my own--it's like leaving for college all over again--except I'm a bit more grown at this point. I know at some point in my life God will allow me to return to Chile--I just hope it's sooner rather than later.

I definitely have tried to cherish all of my time here but these last few weeks are the definition of bitter sweet. I am the type of person that doesn't handle change well at all--when my life changes I'm a hot mess until change day. I'm sure some of you can relate. Lots of people I know have no problems moving from one place to another or going into a new year of school but I'm the kid who cries every time a semester ends. It's not like a sad cry or anything it's just kind of like a huge mix of emotions that I'm not sure how to sort out.

I remember the first conversation we had with our parents at the dinner table (we had spaghetti that night and I was sure everything would be fine haha) where I looked at Julia (my roommate) to help me translate basically every sentence. It was like being in a swimming pool and not knowing how to swim--but worse because I couldn't talk and talking is like breathing for me. However, I always asked Mamá if she thought I'd know Spanish before I left the country and she assured me that by my third and fourth month here I would be fine. We are well into the third month and she was right. Of course I have my moments where I'm stuck in translation or find myself in English but it's kind of gratifying because I have found the switch in my brain that says "Hey click me and you will talk and listen in Spanish!" No, it's not perfect, no, I'm not fluently fluent, yes, I still struggle, but I can do it and that is a huge blessing! I used to come home with headaches from translating all day in school then get home and still have to rack my brain trying to communicate in Spanish. I have my moments now where I'm just like "AY DIOS MIO" but now it isn't a chore but something I enjoy most of the time.

Many of the friends that I have met here will be leaving in about two weeks that really seems like no time at all. This weekend we made brownies and played cards at one of my friend's house--it was so fun and was just a moment where I was like "this isn't much different from my life in the states." I really have come to believe here that life is what you make it. Living in another country is no easy task and there are plenty of obstacles on the way that could absolutely change one's outlook on life abroad. I find that being flexible and learning to laugh are probably two of the biggest assets that have helped me here. If I would've gotten upset every time I jumbled my Spanish I probably would've stopped trying to talk a long time ago (HA). Of course I'm human and have those moments where I am super frustrated with how different my life is here but I try and make it a point every day to laugh at my language mistakes, not be close minded about cultural differences, and realize that if I allow myself to grow then I will. I definitely did not want to limit myself to what I could do while I was here and I have really been blessed by all the different people who have helped me learn and grown throughout this experience.