That moment.

This past Friday I made it through one of the most physically and mentally challenging semesters of my entire career. I had to put many of my relationships on hold along with blogging, Facebook, phone calls (except to my mom), ect. because it was all too much. During this semester I learned so much about myself, my family, my friends, and life in general. What a cliché statement, right? I don't even have any idea how to start over again really--not with life, just with writing. I write for different magazines, blogs, and publications but it seems that I have lost the ability to write about things that I want to write about because I am always directed as to what I should be writing. It's been great--I enjoy writing and having someone to focus my work for me with topics and such but I guess there has just come a point where it has just taken so much out of me.

I am a very slow writer....very slow. This semester my processing has slowed down so much that it takes me about five times as long to write anything on top of my already slow writing, and then I always end up frustrated because what I have written no longer looks like my own. So, that's currently what I'm in the process of doing--trying to write something that looks familiar to me.

For a long time, when I was younger, I wrote poetry--at the time, that was familiar. There was a point in my life where I grew out of writing poetry. Yes, I can still pen a poem. Would it be any good? No, I don't think so. Good writing comes about from using a sign system that people are able to decode and then draw meaning from. I also think that it is drawn from the heart or even more, from the soul. Now THAT sounds mushy. But really, if your heart's not in it..then what is?

Sometimes I wonder why I went to school to major in English Literature. I mean really--that had been decided by my senior year of high school and has never changed. After looking back on the last two-and-a-half years I think I am beginning to understand what I have learned. My education at St. Ed's in EngL has taught me to look beyond the words of a text and then even beyond the author to try and understand why--which is something I will, even as I try, never know.

When I look back at my blog there are times when I was so inspired to write, and I think somewhere along the way I lost my voice. Believe me, there are words that I have--it just takes me time to put them together coherently. I can't promise that I will continue to blog frequently--or even at all, but what I can tell you is that I am finding my voice. Thank god for my mom who has listened to me talk on the phone everyday for the last three months because I obviously don't have any problems speaking.....