I have been wanting to blog for quite sometime. The main reason I haven't is because my personal computer went awol about a year ago. However, I finally decided I needed a computer and so I got one. To me, it is amazing the difference of living with a computer at my house versus not living with a computer at my house. It isn't like there is an astounding difference--just that if I want to blog, or work on things for school, I can.
I am currently at my parents' house in Gruver where I am able to rest, blog, work on things I have put on the back burner for months, and spend time with my beloved family. I am not one for holidays but I am one for spending ample amounts of time with my family. I love when the garage door opens at the end of the day and I know my mom is home. When I wake up in the morning, I smile when I hear my dad drinking his coffee in his office through the wall between my room and his domain. I needed this time at home to rest and rejuvenate. Of all the Falls, this has been one of the hardest seasons of my life.
Back in late September, early October, I got very sick. I will spare you all of the details but I haven't been myself since. Through the thick and thin of it all, I gained a circle, a village. I have never felt so much love and genuine care for me as a human being as I have over the past two months. My circle is small but big enough that everyday I feel loved, cared for, and know there are people I can turn to when I am at my worst. Though I love my circle, it has been hard. Hard to be vulnerable to people who I am sitting here thinking, "How in the world did you even end up in my life?". But I quickly realized that the African proverb I read all the time is so very true--"The child who is not embraced by the village will burn it down to feel it's warmth." My village embraces me everyday. They embrace me when I am running away from them; when I am having the worst day; when I refuse to be embraced; they all bust through the walls and embrace me with genuine love. I have slowly started to let my circle embrace me more and more and what I have come to find is that I couldn't have made it through this Fall without my circle. I couldn't have made it without their embrace. For my circle, I am forever thankful.
My family has been my rock throughout this time. My parents are always there for anything that I need and my brothers constantly check-in and are always looking for ways to help me. I have struggled with my health all of my life but at my most recent appointment my doctor dropped a bomb-shell on me...
"I saved this blood test result for last because it makes most people mad and if you're going to get mad I'd rather it be at the end of the appointment," my doctor said. I'm sitting there thinking it couldn't be anything worse than any other health diagnoses that I have ever received--right? He says, "You're gluten intolerant." I laughed and said, "Uh that's a fad and people who say they are gluten free are just on the diet." My doctor looks at me wide-eyed and says, "No really, you're gluten intolerant. You can't have it. That's why your body has been going nuts. There are people who do it as a diet and then there are people like you who really have the allergy." Still in the "this is a stupid fad mindset" I ask him, "Soooo do I like have to go gluten free or what? Can I just like watch it and lower the amount I intake?" Then he looks at me and turns the papers that show my blood test results around to me. He said, "Look at this number, this means you cannot eat gluten. Your body hates you when you eat gluten." I said fine as if I was a three year old who was just told they couldn't have a lollipop and then said, "I'll do it." To which my doctor replied, "You don't have a choice unless you just want to stay sick the rest of your life." He then tells me to look up the research about gluten and it's correlation with depression--which I have been struggling with. I said, Oh I believe you doc--it's just not something I was expecting." I see him again in a month. We will see where I am then.
After I leave the office, I text all of my nurse friends who are all super optimistic and explain to me that I will feel so good once I go gluten free. And as moms do, my mom does all the research, and explains to me the positive outcome this will have on my life. Don't get me wrong, I think it will be good for my health and I trust my doctor and am obedient to what my doctors ask me to do--this is just a big one.
Now I am constantly looking at the nutrition labels to see if something has gluten. I need all the tips and help I can get--so please message me, leave comments, text me, send me all of your advice. I know the internet is full of it, and I am doing research, but there is nothing like talking to someone you know who can help.
Until next time,
LAW
