Not that it matters

When will we be on lockdown? That's the latest question I keep asking myself--not that it matters.

Today I drove home to be with my family for a little while instead of holding up in my house alone for the next two weeks. The roads were fairly empty and the drive was easy. When I got to Gruver, it was sunny and windy...I swapped out the rain for the sun and wind--I'm okay with that.

This morning our school met, tomorrow morning they will meet again, to develop a plan for our online learning platform. It is weird for me to think that I will spend the next two weeks, and potentially more time, teaching online. Honestly, to me, it feels like one day I was going about my normal daily life, and the next, everything was turned upside down. Going into my own personal lockdown did not seem gradual. I came home from a softball game last Wednesday and Thursday I had decided I was not leaving the house again.

Being home already feels better. It's nice to be in face to face contact with other humans. Granted, I know that I will still have to find things to do and work on my online classes, but this is better than being at my house alone finishing another season of South Park.

If we were in school, we would beginning to read "The Lottery" by Shirley Jackson. I'm still going to teach the short story online but it's just not the same as being in a live classroom engaging in meaningful discussion. If you haven't read "The Lottery", I highly suggest doing so--it's a very quick read and a great story. Let me know what you think. I can always use suggestions and thoughts for my lessons.

XX

LAW

Write About It

Mom said that kids should write about COVID-19 because of the importance it has during this time in our lives. I figured I should write too--not just the kids. 

I have quarantined since Thursday and our school is closed for this week (at minimum). The five days I have been alone in my house seem like forever. I have cleaned, cooked, got donation bags together of clothes, and watched half of the South Park series. Besides watching South Park, all of the other things I have wanted to get done for quite sometime. Currently, I am watching RAW. Because of COVID-19, RAW is being produced live with no crowd. It's pretty fascinating to see the worlds best entertainers keep a show going without a live audience. Now to some of the questions...

Am I afraid of COVID-19?

Yes and no. I am afraid of getting the virus. My immune system is stronger than it has ever been. For those of you that know me know that if I haven't been in the hospital this year then I'm doing great with my breathing. I can't remember the last year that I haven't gotten bronchitis or pneumonia--knock on wood that I don't get sick with either of those OR the coronavirus. Still, getting the virus is a real fear for me. I'm not afraid of school being closed or that I have to stay in my house (though I might go crazy) but don't come near me unless you're washing your hands--and even then I might still tell you to stay away.

How long do I think the effects of COVID-19 will last? 

Short term, until summer. Long term, at least a year. I'm not sure that we will be able to finish out the school year. Dallas canceled school indefinitely today and we are only an hour from Dallas--there is nothing to say that we aren't next. All the college sports for the year have been canceled, the casinos are all closed around our area, and it seems to me that we are headed towards a lockdown. I think the community and local businesses are being fairly proactive in closing or limiting their interactions with patrons to certain hours or drive-thru only. Regardless, I think we all need to be prepared to hold up in our houses for the long haul.

There are plenty more questions I could answer and much more that I could write, but for now...

LAW

The Puzzle

Over Christmas, our family made a goal--to complete the puzzle my brother gave me before I came back to Denison--which meant we had seven days. I don't know how to explain the puzzle other than it is impossible to complete by matching colors--you can only complete it by matching shapes. It is by far the hardest puzzle I have ever completed. I absolutely could not do it on my own. In fact, I was so frustrated with the puzzle that I put it back in the box. When I did that, Mom told me to bring it home and her, my dad, and Ryan would help me do it when I was home. Her and Ryan stayed up until the late hours the last night completing the final masterpiece and gluing it together (I went to bed early as I had to take an exam the next day). The next day my mom bought a frame for the puzzle, Ryan helped me glue it in (he did most of it) and now it's hanging on my wall at home.

I'm not kidding--this puzzle was extremely hard. Since then, I've moved back into my old puzzle ways--Buffalo brand 500 pieces. What was really neat is that Dad said we should do a puzzle every Christmas. I thought that was also a great idea--maybe next year we won't do one that's so difficult.

LAW

The Greatest Gift

I didn't want to keep you waiting too long...

The gift came in and it was a personalized puzzle (I LOVE puzzles). The photo was of our two old dogs who passed away a few years ago--Reggie and Maggie. He was right. It was the best gift ever.

Moving on, I have watched "Silver Linings Playbook" more than once this week. I'm sure I have blogged about it before but if you haven't watched it yet, do. It is one of those movies that can change your life or at least how you perceive life.

This week is the end of the semester and man what a semester it has been. Never did I think that I would be where I am in life right now at the beginning of the school year. I have met new people, been through trying situations, loved deeply, been hurt greatly, and then came out on the other side a different and stronger person.

I'm not one for New Year's Resolutions but maybe this year I do need something. I am really looking forward to 2020. No, I am not wishing my days away but I am just anticipating great things to happen--to be a better version of myself everyday.

I am ready to go home this weekend and visit my family. I am ready for the relaxation and rejuvenation that comes with being with my people. Only one more day...


--LAW

The Greatest Game

If you read my last blog, you know that now, for almost a month, I have been gluten-free. Honestly, I didn't realize how good my body could feel. I've lost weight, don't have crazy digestive issues, and generally feel better overall--most days anyways. So yes, eating a gluten-free diet for a gluten-intolerant person is worth it, no matter how hard it may be. 

Moving on, I want to tell you all about the game. During the time when I was really not feeling good, my family was constantly reaching out to do anything for me that might help me feel better. I'm beyond blessed with a great family but what my oldest brother did is beyond what I ever could have imagined as helpful. I open a letter from him one day and he has designed a game for me. If I played the game, and reached 200 points, I would receive "the greatest gift of all time". Now, a few things you should know to preface the rest of the story...

• My brother and I lived together for two years back when we both lived in Gruver so he knows me very well. 
• Giving gifts is something we both love to do very much--but not just any gift, the best gift--the kind of gift that makes you go, "Man, this person really thought about me."
• I'm competitive. I will play almost any game--especially if I can win. 
• My brother knows that I won't turn down a challenge.

Alright, taking all of that into consideration...I receive a letter from my brother and on the back is a game. Everything in the game was worth a certain amount of points. For instance, I would get fifteen points for meeting someone new, or two points for giving my dog, Raider, a treat. There were all sorts of to-dos on the list--from coloring to getting a snowcone and writing the person who made it a thank you...nothing was out of the question. I didn't have to do everything on the list to get to the 200 points but I would say that 80% of the things were out of my comfort zone. The game pushed me beyond what I thought I could do socially and somedays mentally. It gave me a reason to do something besides sit on the couch at night after dinner or on a Sunday when I got home from Lady's (my grandmother). 

I met new people, went to church, made rosaries, cooked spaghetti, cleaned my kitchen, took Raider for walks, wrote Wikipedia article summaries, and all sorts of other things. 

Did I get the 200 points? Sure. Did I get the gift? Absolutely.

Until next time. 

The blood test said what???

I have been wanting to blog for quite sometime. The main reason I haven't is because my personal computer went awol about a year ago. However, I finally decided I needed a computer and so I got one. To me, it is amazing the difference of living with a computer at my house versus not living with a computer at my house. It isn't like there is an astounding difference--just that if I want to blog, or work on things for school, I can.

I am currently at my parents' house in Gruver where I am able to rest, blog, work on things I have put on the back burner for months, and spend time with my beloved family. I am not one for holidays but I am one for spending ample amounts of time with my family. I love when the garage door opens at the end of the day and I know my mom is home. When I wake up in the morning, I smile when I hear my dad drinking his coffee in his office through the wall between my room and his domain. I needed this time at home to rest and rejuvenate. Of all the Falls, this has been one of the hardest seasons of my life.

Back in late September, early October, I got very sick. I will spare you all of the details but I haven't been myself since. Through the thick and thin of it all, I gained a circle, a village. I have never felt so much love and genuine care for me as a human being as I have over the past two months. My circle is small but big enough that everyday I feel loved, cared for, and know there are people I can turn to when I am at my worst. Though I love my circle, it has been hard. Hard to be vulnerable to people who I am sitting here thinking, "How in the world did you even end up in my life?". But I quickly realized that the African proverb I read all the time is so very true--"The child who is not embraced by the village will burn it down to feel it's warmth." My village embraces me everyday. They embrace me when I am running away from them; when I am having the worst day; when I refuse to be embraced; they all bust through the walls and embrace me with genuine love. I have slowly started to let my circle embrace me more and more and what I have come to find is that I couldn't have made it through this Fall without my circle. I couldn't have made it without their embrace. For my circle, I am forever thankful.

My family has been my rock throughout this time. My parents are always there for anything that I need and my brothers constantly check-in and are always looking for ways to help me. I have struggled with my health all of my life but at my most recent appointment my doctor dropped a bomb-shell on me...

"I saved this blood test result for last because it makes most people mad and if you're going to get mad I'd rather it be at the end of the appointment," my doctor said. I'm sitting there thinking it couldn't be anything worse than any other health diagnoses that I have ever received--right? He says, "You're gluten intolerant." I laughed and said, "Uh that's a fad and people who say they are gluten free are just on the diet." My doctor looks at me wide-eyed and says, "No really, you're gluten intolerant. You can't have it. That's why your body has been going nuts. There are people who do it as a diet and then there are people like you who really have the allergy." Still in the "this is a stupid fad mindset" I ask him, "Soooo do I like have to go gluten free or what? Can I just like watch it and lower the amount I intake?" Then he looks at me and turns the papers that show my blood test results around to me. He said, "Look at this number, this means you cannot eat gluten. Your body hates you when you eat gluten." I said fine as if I was a three year old who was just told they couldn't have a lollipop and then said, "I'll do it." To which my doctor replied, "You don't have a choice unless you just want to stay sick the rest of your life." He then tells me to look up the research about gluten and it's correlation with depression--which I have been struggling with. I said, Oh I believe you doc--it's just not something I was expecting." I see him again in a month. We will see where I am then.

After I leave the office, I text all of my nurse friends who are all super optimistic and explain to me that I will feel so good once I go gluten free. And as moms do, my mom does all the research, and explains to me the positive outcome this will have on my life. Don't get me wrong, I think it will be good for my health and I trust my doctor and am obedient to what my doctors ask me to do--this is just a big one.

Now I am constantly looking at the nutrition labels to see if something has gluten. I need all the tips and help I can get--so please message me, leave comments, text me, send me all of your advice. I know the internet is full of it, and I am doing research, but there is nothing like talking to someone you know who can help.

Until next time,

LAW

Are they learning?

I started my teaching career as an English teacher. Teaching English was my passion--I had always loved reading and writing and felt that teaching English came naturally to me. My students did well on standardized state tests (though many educators think these are useless and counterproductive) and even more national tests such as the AP test. I never went into an English classroom thinking that my students wouldn't learn at the end of the day. I can attribute my confidence teaching English to my degree in English and my love of the language. I get emails, texts, and tweets all the time from past students thanking me for teaching them and how much they learned in my class. Many are in college now and tell me how easy writing an essay is for them and thank me for pushing them even when they were being difficult.

When I transitioned to Special Education, it was almost like I lost some of my teaching passion. I'm sure many teachers have gone through the same type of experience when they are transferred from one subject to another. Special Education is individualized to the point where teaching and learning is almost not a part of the education process. Mastering IEP goals and ensuring that students are in the right classes to learn at their level is what tracks teaching and learning in Special Education. Though a broad definition, I never felt as though I could teach a group of students and everyday I was challenged to meet every kid where they were despite the learning gaps between students and each student needing something drastically different. I did not love teaching Special Ed. like I did English. Was I good at it? Not so much. What I was good at was giving my students the emotional and social confidence they needed to overcome their intellectual differences from other students. In a Special Ed. room, I was the teacher that I have always known myself to be--a relationship builder.

Moving to Denison, I originally thought I would be teaching Speech. I was fine with this as many of my high school accolades were in speaking and I have always been able to help people with public speaking. Though not an English job, Speech was appealing and the coaching fit was my predominant focus. I have always taught something on account of coaching. Whatever I have been needed to teach, I would, because of my passion for coaching softball. The only job that wasn't tied to my love of coaching was my original English job where I was actually advised not to coach because my training with Teach For America would be so rigorous--funny how life works out right?

When I was asked to teach Spanish I said to myself, "Okay, yup. I can do this." Spanish is what the district needed me to teach so I said yes. Getting my certification in English and Special Education was a walk in the park--I studied...not at all...never worried about either of them...and was almost positive I'd pass both on the first try. Spanish was a different story. I learned Spanish through immersion--I didn't sit in a classroom studying grammar or learning to write properly. I learned to speak and understand. Conversational Spanish came naturally to me. I struggle to explain it to people when they ask me how I learned the language so quickly--even I don't really know the complete answer. I can tell you my reading and writing was lacking. I went in to make the test, expecting to fail, still not having studied (yes, many of you may think this is dumb but I wanted to see where I was at before studying for hours). I scored 200 and needed a 240. I hadn't been speaking, reading, and writing Spanish constantly, mainly just translating at the school and the swimming pool that I run in the summer. Starting the year, I knew the goal I had for my students--to speak and understand. I know many people who can read and write Spanish but what people desire the most is to speak and understand the language and that is exactly what I planned to teach my student. People learn to speak a new language like a baby does--they watch how the lips of the person speaking move and how the letters sound and repeat it. I know it sounds weird but I teach my kids to watch my mouth and how it moves when we work on repetition of words etc. I struggle with teaching Spanish because I don't walk into my classroom everyday with the confidence I did everyday in an English classroom. There also isn't a test or standardized method of measuring growth or if a student is learning Spanish at all. I am always caught in a catch 22 wondering if my students are actually learning or not...until this weekend.

I don't like to write about my students' lives or stories because those are their own to tell but this weekend I received an email from a student I currently have in my Spanish class. My student explained that she was in Mexico with her family (she is not bilingual or fluent) and was able to communicate with family members she had never been able to communicate with before. She went on to tell me how amazing of a Spanish teacher I was and thanked me endlessly for teaching her how to speak and understand so that she could communicate with her family. I wrote her back and thanked her and also commended her for her willingness to learn. But wow, what a blessing it was to receive her message.

I know the same isn't true for all of my students and not all of them will be put in a situation like she was to truly gauge if they have learned the language or not. However, her message gave me a breath of fresh air and new perspective on my ability to teach Spanish. The kids I teach will come into my classroom and pay attention because for the majority, they respect me, and we have built a relationship. But now knowing that my students (or at least one for sure) are learning the language is an incredible feeling of joy to me as an educator.